October 2011
85 posts
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Adam's Lament
I think I may have gotten so wrapped up in trying to lead an unrealistic party lifestyle that I forgot about my true pals. It’s been two weeks and I haven’t attended any parties like the ones I set out to attend, nor have I hooked up with any wild party babes. I guess I lost sight of how much fun I was actually having because I thought that I could be having an even better time,...
September 2011
74 posts
abbysomnia asked: Favorite episode(s) of The OC. Go.
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Adam's Workout Theory - Week 12: The End
You’ve done it. You’ve reached the end of my Muscle Exhaustion workout program, and dammit am I proud of you. You know who you should be proud of? The ripped up shredded beef you see standing before you in the mirror. THAT’S YOU~!
Look at that hulka-hulka burning lats. Those tri’s? TRI and make me not notice. You’ve got washboard abs, and I’m ready to...
Actually just took it down before Alice walked by, as Ders said, the best revenge is making Camp DeMamp stronger, better, faster, BETTER.
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People I Plan to Party With:
JAMIE FOXX
Hulk Hogan
Roger Federer
Sting
Paula Deen
Not Ders
Cindy Crawford
Tobey Maguire
Mila Kunis
Julian Schnabel (sp?)
Rick Ross
Rihanna
Mark Zuckerberg
Kate Middleton
Ed Helms
Alice
Joe Biden
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Loft Plans - The Garage
Definitely gonna need to showcase my whips and in order to do that I want to have a garage like the one pictured below:
This way people can see my awesome cars from inside the loft, and I can jump straight into the car (if it’s a convertible) from my living room.
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The Ders Report: Conflict Resoluted →
andersholmvik:
I know a lot of people have been worried about this feud Adam and I have had going the last few days. I criticized his party lifestyle, he criticized my life decisions; it doesn’t matter who started it.
What matters is who finished it. We resolved our conflict in a man-to-man conversation Sunday…
You’re a good man, Ders. Thanks for having my back.
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New Digs
I definitely like the house that I share with Ders and Blake, but I don’t think it’s necessarily the best environment for the kind of parties I feel I should be attending these days. I want to upgrade to something more modern and spacious and after doing some research I’ve decided that I’m going to get a LOFT.
(Seen here: A loft similar to the one I plan on moving into)
...
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Mondays Suck
I know it’s a punched horse, but now that I live my life by the coda of a party machine, they suck even more than they did when I was living my life as an everyday telemarketer.
Now that I’m a telemarketer by day, beast mode party machine by night, Monday’s are longer, lamer, and even further away from when I get to go out and rip the trunk off the elephant. I feel like...
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Partied With Karl
Got pretty restless hanging around the house on Sunday when I was in full - on party mode, so I called up Karl to see if he wanted to hang. He picked me up in the Rape Van and we went to a “party” at the ice skating rink his friend “owns”. As it turned out, the ice rink didn’t even have any ice - it was really just an abandoned building that used to be an ice skating...
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Dear Adam; It's Adam; Go for it. Love, Adam
Doubted myself this morning. Probably because of all the doubt hate Ders has been sprinkling on my dreams.
Thought maybe this commitment to defining excellence, to being the real me, was a mistake. Maybe I should thin the herd, go back to following it, maybe start taking spin classes and playing golf.
Nope. That’s what herd followers do. And I am a herd watching STYLE DEFINER. Style,...
ayyeitsalex asked: to make Ders jealous, build a huge heated pool, and have a diving board, no, two diving boards on the roof.
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Dear Adam, It's Jamie. Foxx. Ders' Man Crush
Ders, this is what I’m devoting the rest of my life to receiving; a thank you note from your idol, proving forever that I am right and you are wrong. Here’s a freeview—
Dear Adam,
Hey man, Foxx-doggy here. Wanted you to know how much I enjoyed hanging out with you last week on Shaq’s yacht. Big man knows how to navigate the seas! Watch out, whales!
Really loved...
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Shithead (Ders)
Ders (the total douche pictured above) and I got into a total blowout this morning. Seems he doesn’t agree with my new philosophy of living life to the fullest and partying like it’s my job (besides being a telemarketer).
I don’t give a shit what Ders says because I’m going to party like I imagine Jamie Foxx (take that, dickhead) probably parties. I’m not gonna...
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Adam's Workout Theory - Week 11: The Bench
How much you bench?
The question drives us all. Even if we don’t workout ourselves, it’s in the either. Driving us. Judging us. For some people, crushing us until Big Ray lifts the bar off our caved in chests.
What’s in a bench? A lift by any other weight would be as tight. But it’s the standard, and we are slaves to it’s bitch goddess demands. Two plates?...
generictumblrdouche asked: lets rage yea?
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Can’t believe The OC didn’t win an Emmy last night. Bullshit.
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Party Out Back!
DeMamp Campers, glad to announce that the business side of things is going to be leaving this page. Gonna take this in a personal/lifestyles magazine direction, more Maxim, maybe even Stuff, less Wallstreet Journals.
The key to business is to know when to cut loose, and when to tighten the tie, I’ve always thought.
The @TelAmeriCorp twitter feed has blown up, so I think I can run my...
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Overall Update - Bad Decision
People at Black Bear didn’t think much of my overalls. One girl told me I looked like a 4th grader and a bunch of guys called me gay. I decided to bail and luckily Ders was already sick (pretty sure he has diarrhea) so he was more than happy to drive me home. Guess it’lI just be a guys’ night tonight.
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Fashion
Cannot wait to bust out my vintage overalls at Black Bear tonight. Here’s a picture of a man rocking a similar pair:
Got ‘em at an Army/Navy surplus store near work for practically nothing. Probably gonna wear them with boots and an undershirt to complete the look. They really show off my lats so it will be pretty shocking if I don’t at least get to first base with a babe...
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The Ders Report: Fancy Friday →
andersholmvik:
Boy have I had a good week. Sold an ass-load of shammies, set a personal best for Wednesday late afternoon sales, and went 3-1 (straight up) in my inaugural NFL DERS’ PICKS. So you know what?
Going to break the glass on my quarterly Cab Fare Fun(d)! No designated driving for this Ders…
Most likely you passing out on the couch watching Collateral, Real Sad-ders-day Night...
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Uncaged Beast on Da Prowl
Headin’ over to the stables today, know why???
‘CAUSE I GOT HORSES TO PUNCH, BIT-CH-ES!
Since I declared myself my own man last night, I’ve lived life to the fullest. Partied hard last night, slept in good, got to work reasonably late, made a sale, and tonight is my night, bro. Followed by tomorrow also being my day. Sunday? Hope you didn’t have plans; it’s...
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I. AM. ADAM. DEMAMP.
The incident today was a wake up call I’ve needed for a long winter’s morning. When that trucker yelled at me while I was jogging, he might as well of been an ALARM, blaring the “CHANGE!” message he put in his extended middle finger.
Ders thought it might have been because I was running in the middle of the street, but pedestrians have the right of way and what does Ders...
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Pensive
Woke up at 8:00 this morning for some reason so I decided to go for a jog. I was getting pretty into it when some guys drove past in a truck and yelled at me and flipped me off.
I was just minding my own business, pretending to be Rocky (from Rocky 4), and next thing I know someone calls me a “dickhead” for no reason.
I’m pretty shaken up right now and I’ll definitely...
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Adam's Workout Theory - Week 9: Rest
I know I’ve been hard on you guys the last few weeks. MUSCLE EXHAUSTION isn’t easy.
You know what else isn’t easy? Quitting. It takes all you have to give up, because when you look in the mirror to see the quitter you’ve become, it’s only you and that mirror. Failure and reflection. YOUR reflection. Bet it’s easy to quit looking in the mirror then,...
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A Tragic Injury (Hit in the Balls)
When you ask a friend to toss you your thermos, make sure you’re paying attention. I learned this the hard way today. Blake threw it, I turned my head to look at my computer and next thing I know, I’m doubled over in pain.
I’ve been alternating ice and heat all afternoon, but nothing seems to help. The last time I got kicked in the balls was by some teenagers on Halloween and I...
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Tweeeeeeeeetles
Going well running the unofficial TelAmeriCorp twitter feed so far. Gotten some soft “yes” responses to sales, or even being aware of the concept of Twitter, but we’re really hurt by the fact there’s no way to know if who we’re calling is interested in our products.
Gotta be a better way. Until I find it, there’s no way to know.
I think Alice is going to be...
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Stuck At Work - No Football
Ders is refusing to drive me home, even though work is technically over for the day, because he wants to stay and “get organized” (as he put it). I don’t know why he insists on doing that now when he knows there are not one, but TWO games on tonight.
Not only that, one of the games features none other than Tom Brady, one of the ultimate dudes living on planet earth today. I...
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DAH-DUH-DAAAA-DUUUUUUU (bunna-bunna)...
Gonna jam out of here early and hit up Black Bear for the Monday Night Football double header. Been doing the theme song all day, just pumped up for the games, the 10-cent wing specials, personal pitcher, and best of all, not being at work.
Ders says “maybe, if it’s slow”, but I know he’s gonna wanna bounce to get in on those football squares (he says he has a system, but...
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@TelAmeriCorp
That’s right, you can now follow TAC on TWT. Or Twitter, for the unhip.
I’ve gone ahead and registered the company account on my own, to show Alice and the Big Cheeses that I am indeed an employee she/they can count on in a professional/personal setting. I even put her name on it so that when it blows up and gets a thousand followers, she’ll get the credit. Only we’ll...
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IMPORTANT ANNOUCEMENT
Since Alice thinks TelAmeriCorp didn’t produce a worthy winner for Employee of the Month this month, and didn’t appreciate my search for the TAC sign defacer, I’ve decided there’s only one solution.
Start my own Employee of the Month program.
I’m calling it “DeMamp’s Monthly Champ”, or DMC, and this month’s winner is the most deserving...
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Eliminated Blake, Ders, Montez, Alice (further motivational technique to see who stands up for the company— nope, not the case) and my ex Sharon as culprits behind the TAC sign Defacing.
Gonna go sweat Waymond, but he’s a tough nut to crack. Plus, I don’t think he could reach that high on the sign, but I’m not ruling out a step stool accomplice.